She’s The One. The dream girl. She’s beautiful, talented, witty – and thinks Guys’ Poker Night is a great idea. While there is no “right way” to propose, there are some rules of the game, which, if followed, won’t have her crying "foul!" – or, worse, saying "No."
What To Say
The question is obvious: “Will you marry me?” However, some men want to say more, and this can be hazardous.
Remember Jimmy from the movie “The Bachelor”? Jimmy, played by Chris O’Donnell, asks his girlfriend, Anne, to marry him by incoherently rambling and then saying, “The upshot is: you win.” Anne, played by Renée Zellweger, is not impressed, and he almost loses her for good.
Rather than mimicking Jimmy’s ill-fated proposal, consider these suggestions:
- Know the audience – For example, if your girlfriend loves Shakespeare, consider quoting from one of his sonnets or plays. However, if she hates seafood, don’t take her to a seafood restaurant. Whatever her likes or dislikes, tailor your proposal to your audience: her.
- Consider a history lesson – Remind your girlfriend of the wonderful memories you share, and tell her you hope to have many more marvelous memories in the years to come.
- Make it meaningful – Make sure she understands that you are in love with her and are thrilled at the thought of spending a lifetime with her. Tell her how you feel, and don’t be shy.
- Don’t worry about emotions – One or both of you may cry. Just work with the emotions of the moment.
- Keep it simple – Sometimes, the best approach is the simplest: “I love you; I want to spend my life with you. Will you marry me?”
What To Do
Remember, the proposal is a big deal. She may have imagined what it would be like for years; even if she hasn’t, the story will be told and re-told for years to come. Make it one worth telling.
- Don’t play a joke - “Just kidding!” proposals are not funny. Avoid them.
- Make it an important occasion – Engagements do not have to be expensive, but they should be memorable. Time and planning should go into a proposal; make it obvious that this is important to you as well. For example, presume that you and your girlfriend are both fans of a given college team, and you are sure she would be thrilled with a sports-themed proposal. If you wanted to propose at halftime but could not get tickets to the actual game, then surprise her at halftime with a fabulous dinner, roses and a ring. The dinner and roses show her you thought about this before the second quarter.
- Avoid text messages or e-mail – A text message or e-mail is too impersonal and too flippant to be a good proposal. The exception is if you use it as a tool; for example, you text-message her to meet you at your favorite restaurant, and you are waiting there with a ring. You cannot use e-mail or text messaging to avoid asking in person; this will be seen as insincere.
- Have a ring or a plan – Whether it is big or small, the ring is a big deal. Many men want to propose holding the ring; others want her to pick it out so she can find the one she wants. Whatever your approach, have a ring or a plan to get a ring. A ring demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. Also, don’t make her pay for the ring or provide her own; it is very tasteless and rude.
- Actually ask her – Don’t presume she will say yes. You must actually ask her.
Time, effort and a little romance will make your proposal a story she will love to tell over and over again. Good luck!
Resources
“How To Propose.” EHow.com
“Will You Marry Me?” Essence.
Rachel Howard-Collins - Rachel Howard-Collins is a freelance journalist with more than five years of staff reporting experience for regional and national ...
